On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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