He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
