can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's get the cat blown out
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
