in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
