How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
