Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
