I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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