I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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