I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
