Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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