Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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