hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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