he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
