i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
