shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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