so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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