i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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