I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
