It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
