I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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