i was born a porn star she said
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
