he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
