Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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