Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
