I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Bring me that man meat
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
