i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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