So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
