before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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