At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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