i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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