Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
