i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
