My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm both gender and math confused
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
