Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can Purell be used as lube?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
