either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
