i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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