I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
