if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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