So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
