If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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