Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
