and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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