boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
