I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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