How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Enjoy the penises
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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