Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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