will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
