We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
