your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
