I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
