I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
