my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
